Wednesday, April 22, 2015

busy bees

The mining bees are still busy in our backyard. We sprayed them the first two summers we've lived here. But now, after reading an article about the importance of bees and them being endangered, I am ashamed that we did. It even said that "unless you've been living under a rock, you know that all bees are in serious trouble, and when bees are in trouble, we are in trouble." Well, I guess I do always say I live in my own little bubble. They are harmless, don't sting and only stay (working incredibly hard) for a very short time. I am busy myself, doing things not so differently in my world that stopping to exterminate them seems like not only a waste of time, but also inhumane and simply moronic!! After all, we are all just busy bees, trying to follow our own agenda! But all other bugs can die, hah (entomophobic)!

I don't think I've sat still once today between waking up and sitting down now. And even though I am finally sitting down, my head is still running and I can't seem to get a break to do me. I really can't complain about today at all though. Woke up and followed our usual routine and even got some cleaning done.


For the 1st time he crawled over to me from a few feet away to hand me something I asked him for (my pump suction cup that he was playing with)...ah my little helper. Graham loves watching me vacuum too! How is it that he knows not to touch wires, but cannot keep his tiny claws off of Charlie's table and bowls? For the most part, I am giving up and just lifting out his bowls and letting him stand at the little table. Charlie won't even go over to eat his food when he sees G approaching and has a scared look on his face. Poor dog. I got G to Sharon's for Meury to babysit. I was feeling good. Flowers were in bloom, sun was shining so bright, the rain was drying up, birds were singing, my baby was happy and I was about to get some me-time! I stuck around for a few minutes and got to see Al and G bond a bit. Meury pulled up just as I was pulling out. In the next 2 minutes, I got to the nail salon, parked, ran in to get quarters, ran out and saw the nastiest, most robotic government employed "person" I've ever been unfortunate to meet. I got a parking ticket. I asked "her," pleed with "her," and begged "her" not to give me the ticket. There was no response or even and inkling that I was heard as "she" kept working. I was so furious and sped out of there after "she" didn't even have the decency to reach "her" hand out 6 inches over to me to hand me the ticket. I grabbed it from my windshield and got out of there like a bat out of hell. I was fuming and still wanted to get my nails done, so nothing was accomplished. DM still does occasionally say all of the right things and by the time I pulled in our driveway, he helped me see the light of day again so I was able to turn around and go back. A fresh manicure, 10 minute massage and a nice conversation with two old sisters who live across the street from one another on the same block they grew up on, and I felt refreshed and able to breathe again. I went home to eat and get some more cleaning done. A dirty house just doesn't help with anxiety one bit. Once my free time was up, 6 of my nails were smudged, dented and ruined. What a waste. I grabbed my stuff for the gym and left to get Graham. Lorraine was there feeding him and lucky me -- he started crying instantly when he saw me. The cow had arrived. He only slept for about an hour, but once he was in my arms, he let out a big smile and showed Sharon's full house how when I walk in, everyone else comes second. He is completely fine with everyone, until he sees me! I changed him and nursed him and we were on our way to the gym! When will I get my energy back? The weight machines are no problem, but I used to be able to spend a lot more time on the elliptical. Am I just getting old? Or is it just my lifestyle change and my body reminding me that it will never be what it once was? I showered and went to get him from the Kids Academy to proudly find him crawling around like a maniac, yelling "ada da da daaaa" in the big kid area. He didn't see me at all for a few minutes while I stood right there next to him. He was too busy climbing onto Shamique and chewing on her knee. Finally he spotted me!


I nursed him before heading out. A strange lady kept staring strangely and blankly at us. I wish I had the guts to be like, "yo! what?! you gotta problem?!!" But I don't and I didn't. I drove home a little slower hoping he'd fall asleep. He was so perfect getting into the car every time today and absolutely loves and adores Sophie! Asleep just down the block, I got home, ran in, put makeup on, made pb&j, moved the laundry into the dryer and used our house phone with my cell phone as a monitor. It's genius. Away we went again. He woke up shortly after pulling up to Jess' for our playdate. Everyone was in the backyard on her porch. Food was out on the table and that was all he saw! I brought him a banana thinking we'd share it, and he ate the entire thing and then some! Little piglet! The wind was howling and the rain eventually came and was blowing onto us. We quickly grabbed everyone and everything to move inside. I grabbed Danielle's bag and car keys to help out and we were all in and warm fast! Graham got to work and was so busy racing around will all sorts of toys in his mouth and climbing up and down and over things and people. He was adorable all afternoon. It was just a few of us today and a couple of mom's left early, so it got even quainter. He was climbing over Danielle's legs, playing with Jess' pretty toes, getting kisses from Eli, playing with and trying to eat clementine skins he grabbed from Danielle, crawling all over the place, chewing on the soft blocks, observing me interact with the other kids, nursing, eating a pouch so nicely in Eli's highchair and kindly asking for more in between bites, talking and standing on his own a few times is just the gist of what he was doing there. All day he's been leaning in to give me those precious, open-mouthed, warm baby kisses. I could die every time he does it!!! He has been giving me kisses for a long time now, but over the past couple of days, he was been doing it way more with seemingly way more intention. Another 1st was this morning he started making the "B" sound (to stick with the busy bee theme of course). He blows up his cheeks like a puffer fish, makes a soft b-sound and lets all of the air out of his mouth...allllll day today! And we've been communicating through grunts non stop too. It's a priceless conversation to only a mother and her son. Like everything else he does, it's the cutest thing ever. We spoke in grunts almost all of the way home, until...........Danielle called me asking where I put her keys when I brought them in from outside. I didn't know! In her bag? Next to her bag? Did I take them? S**t!!!!! Yes, I did!!! Mother.......I got off the next exit to head back and low and behold, I got lost. Luckily, there was a cop up ahead and Graham was so happy and busy clapping his hands back there. He started to give me directions, since my gps seemed to be leading me to dead stop traffic. In the end, he offered for me to just follow him. Thank god, because he wasn't making any sense to me, a complete absent-minded space cadet! Just when I saw the signs for the highway and I knew where I was, he got out to tell me not to turn there because there was a bad accident and he said to keep following him. Just around the corner from where we were and he got out again to tell me to go exactly where I was just about to go a moment ago. Very strange, but we found it and were on our way in awful traffic nevertheless. Rush hour. Graham was being incredible back there. I know he is a good boy, but I was almost questioning if I had the wrong baby! I've never seen him so lively and happy in the car on his own before!! He reached his limit when we were just a couple of minutes away from Jess'. It was dinner time and almost bedtime. I ran in to give the her the keys and when I got back in the car, he was quiet and calm again. No traffic going home and we were on our way. He wouldn't stop rubbing his eyes like crazy. He fell asleep, I stopped to get gas, and I was nervous about getting him home and ready for bed. It would either be completely fine and not a big deal at all, or a complete disaster. To my surprise, it was very easy and pleasurable! DM got home before us and had his dinner heated up and ready on the table! He woke up as soon as I parked and was so happy and reached out right away to go to his papa. He was eager to eat and I was shoving food in his mouth as DM got him seated in the highchair and we got his bib on to protect his earth shirt, which I coincidentally put on today w/o knowing it was even earth day! He was slouching and swaying and rocking and then oddly began to lean far to his left side. Each time he did it, I thought it was just swaying but he just would lean over to that side really far and stay there, while making one of his silly, but serious, faces. DM took him up to get changed before leaving to get us dinner. My desk from UO finally got here and it looks great! I went up to give G his bottle and DM had the challenge of getting his sleep sack on while he was drinking. He truly lives like a king. I held the bottle while G chugged and DM gently lifted him so carefully maneuvering to get the darn thing on and zipped! The rain cleared up and the sun was setting brighter than this morning. His room was golden and sparkling to match his mood. He kept throwing his bottle on the floor, only a third of the way through, demanding to go down on the floor to play. We made it through one and half books before he completely lost interest. Somehow 7p turned into 740p in no time. Charlie was clingy tonight and kept coming in his room for affection (from me, of course). Anytime Graham approached him, he left the room. As long as I am petting him, G is able to pet him also, but that is the only way he'll seem to allow it. In the midst of playing and sitting in the cutest, mature-like poses on one knee, he ended up pooping. Undressed yet again! Everything was a game to him and it was fun, but I wanted him asleep! 

Once he was done, I put him down in his crib and he just sat there, so straight, staring at me. I prayed that was it and he'd put his head down. But a few minutes later of silence and seeing him sort of eerily sit up w/o any movement, the hour of struggle began. He just would not fall asleep. Every time we thought he was asleep for good, he sat up again, crying...sooo hard. We gave him gas meds and more milk, but it still took him so long. Did that 20 minute late nap really screw things up? Idk. I never know what is wrong. But he's asleep now and I need to be also. Work has been taking up all of my free time at night and it's killing me.

I just want to know, will there ever be any kind of length of time where I will ever get to do the little simple things that I want to do, ever again? Or will I forever be this busy [mining] bee with one purpose in life -- build a home, lay eggs, collect food for winter, defend my young from insects (this one is so accurate for me since insects are out to torture me for life) and feed myself? I, just like these poor bees, have little time to get everything done, and virtually no time to mess with YOU!. I never knew I could relate so much with a bug!!! Ugh.

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