Sunday, April 12, 2015

the day after saturday is always unsatisfactory

Just as my mood was sinking after eating dinner, looking around at the mess of running in and out of the house all weekend and barely home enough to clean it all up, Felicia said it best -- "another weekend gone. I always have Monday morning anxiety on Sunday nights." I was thinking it in those exact words, when she texted that to me! How depressing? At least I am not alone, I guess? We were all finally blessed with a well deserved, gorgeous weekend. We couldn't breathe in enough fresh air, but this is only the beginning! Soon we'll all be complaining about how hot it is!

G slept nice and late today. A nice solid 11 hours. I didn't go to bed too late, so it felt great. We all came downstairs and got busy by 8a. DM fed him breakfast, learning fast how messy feeding him yogurt is, and I somehow started to continue my intense spring cleaning ritual. I realize now how crazy nesting is. Us mothers go absolutely insane, cleaning like maniacs, making our house spotless, dust and germ free, organized top to bottom, with each and every little thing perfectly in place...only to have them crawl around, drool, chew on everything their mouth can land on (like my freshly cleaned upholstered ottoman), and rub fingerprints on anything that was supposed to be shiny. I laugh at myself now, but how was I supposed to know. I just wonder if I'll be different when the second comes along. One by one I emptied the kitchen cabinets and wiped them top to bottom. About 1⁄4 of the way through and it was time to stop because I'd procrastinated too long and needed to get ready. Graham was refusing to take his morning nap and getting ready once again was miserable. My anxiety levels were escalating fast as I tried to move anywhere at all with him tugging on my bare legs with his ever growing, sharp fingernails. We were supposed to be at Julian's 1st birthday party and we still weren't even dressed. I ended up putting him in his crib so I could move freely. It was a miracle to me that when I went to get him, he was capable of smiling at me after what I'd done to him! I felt awful for putting him in there in his current state, but sometimes, the absolute worst is the best possible scenario. My poor baby. We somehow made it out alive and made it there 1 hour late. His nap in the car was short, but at this rate, I'll take anything! We entered into the loudness of this beautiful celebration with lots of new faces rushing over to Graham. Everyone wanted to hold him, and as much as I wanted to give him up for a while, he was content only in my arms and it was simpler that way. He was warming up to everyone very fast and even let Dimitri hold him for a bit while we started to eat. I don't know if he knew whose arms he was in; the mickey balloons had his full attention. I stuffed Graham so full and he was thrilled. I put a few pieces of egg and other things in front of him and by the time I looked up from taking a bite for myself, all of his were gone...and none was on the floor! I think he ate ½ of my enormous omelet.
The party animal inside of him was wearing out shortly after that and he was ready for another nap. We stopped at Ralph's for a taste of Queens before getting in the car. He wasn't as excited about the lemon ices as I thought he'd be. Though, being as tired as he was, I wouldn't care about ices either! We both passed out on the way home. He stayed asleep while I did a teeny bit more gardening and DM put a fresh coat of paint on the chalkboard. It still had our wedding seating chart on it -- those chalk markers do NOT come off for anything! Holding G in my arms while I hosed off the deck was much harder than I expected, especially since he wanted to grab it and help. Yesterday, I even attempted, and slightly succeeded, raking while holding him. I guess I'm trying to be my own superwoman. Another beautiful day was nearing its end. I wanted to make the most of it and go for a walk so DM could finally see him on the swings, but we went to the market instead. He supervised and got to see why I come home dizzy and stressed from there. I have no method to shopping, it's just pure madness. I zig zag through the store, no list and no ideas for dinners. Thank god he was there with me, because as I turned to pick up chicken from the shelf, DM tugged me to turn around only to see G standing in the cart!!! What if DM wasn't there???? Would someone else have caught that?? He was strapped in though! Now I think I'm scarred from ever going alone with him again. No one was hurt and our cart was packed with groceries as we loaded the car. It was too late for a bath, so that's one more thing to add to my list of things-to-do tomorrow. At least that is a fun activity. Perhaps I'll save that for when he refuses to take a nap and I give up, needing something to do to save my sanity. I hurried to cook him a quick dinner. Normally, he'd be anxiously breathing at my feet, waiting for his food. Tonight, he was so busy crawling around. I had to show him the bowl of food and bribe him over, but not very hard. Through the maze of WF paper bags, he maneuvered and pushed his way to me, dragging one along that got caught on his wrist. Our little genius was unstoppable, pausing only briefly to lift his hand, freeing himself of the obstacle, smiling so big and cheering himself on. When he'd had enough, he told me loud and clear that he was done with dinner. But he magically went silent once dessert hit his little tongue! His sweet tooth prevails every time!! All he wanted to do was play after that. I got his diaper changed and wanted the smiles to continue, so I tried something new. I chased him around his sun filled room while getting his pjs on his wiggly happy baby body. It took 5x as long, but so completely worth every lost second of my free time to avoid hearing him cry. Dressed and ready for bed and far from requesting his bottle, he went on his merry way from toy to toy. This seemed too easy. Why hadn't I thought of this before?? It was worlds away from the screaming baby, begging for his bottle, that I usually deal with most nights. One less anxiety attack for me now! I waved his bottle in front of him like a magic want and he came hither! Every other sip tonight and he wanted to get up to crawl around. I gave in a few times and read him his book when it was just getting too late to mess around anymore. I was amazed to see him turn the pages perfectly on my request every single time. After a couple of pages, he was doing it on his own when heard me stop reading. All of a sudden, right then and there, I realized how close he is to not being "just a little baby" anymore. I try to hang onto each and every moment (clearly, in relation to this blog) but it's happening already. He is understanding and doing things faster than I ever could have imagined. Even just before, while I was making him dinner, he stood up at the kitchen sink cabinet with his left hand holding on and the right reaching over to discover how to open the next cabinet door for the first time. He pulled it open and let it go to see it self-close -- repeatedly! I didn't encourage or discourage him. I just stood there quietly, in amazement of how he gently pulled the handle and observed it's cause and effect each time. His moments of discovery are the greatest moments for me. I feel and share his joy -- even this one...that leads to a lazy susan cabinet full of breakable mixing bowls that he cannot touch. Uh oh!! I was head over heels for this new skill of page turning, 9 months in the making, with perfect execution. I read the book 2x and didn't want to stop. Yet another thing to be so proud of. Just 6oz and forever later, he was done and I slowly put him down dreading the cry. Just a few moments later and he was sound asleep. Just a few moments after that the smoke alarms sounded -- including the one in his room. We've unfortunately dealt with this once before, since he was born, but the last time he slept through it. DM fell up the stairs, running to stop it. He disconnected his fast to avoid the deafening sound so close to G, but the others upstairs were still going off. I frantically waved a towel with no repercussion. When it finally stopped, our poor baby was startled and in distress. I know that sounds a bit dramatic, but the situation was just that. I'm not even sure that the alarm was what woke him, but rather the commotion we were creating. A couple of moments of gently rocking him closely against me, and he was calm. It took me longer to calm down from that than it did for him, which continues to prove my theory that adults are much more fragile than babies!! And that was how he ended his Sunday. And tomorrow is Monday. And in 5 days it will be the weekend again. And round and round we go in the circle game.

and the seasons they go round and round 
and the painted ponies go up and down 
we're captive on the carousel of time 
we can't return we can only look 
behind from where we came 
bnd go round and round and round 
in the circle game
-Joni

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