Tuesday, May 05, 2015

delayed and off schedule

Today was strange to say the least. Timing ceased to exist. When I woke up, I knew I had to get my butt back to the gym! We got there as early as I was physically able to get us there, but it was still already 830a. The only open at 8a anyway. It just seems like time is always out to get me though. He's tired by 930a and definitely ready to go to sleep by 10a every single morning. By the time I finish my hour workout and shower, it's already 10a and then I have to nurse him before getting in the car and get him home. This morning, I had to fit a very dirty diaper change into the mix. He passed out in the car and was beyond ready for a nap when I'd walked in to get him from daycare. I brought him up so quietly and he was asleep in my arms. I tried not to rush, but it all fell apart when I put him down regardless. I was starving and had no rope to hold onto. I went in a couple of times, gave up and the next two hours were hell. He was so cranky and fighting it like a soldier. There was no reasoning with him or consoling him. They only thing that worked was standing by a window or dancing, but I had no energy, even after eating oatmeal quick. I gave up and kept trying anything that involved no energy from me in an effort to not fall over and pass out. I put the tv on, which only kinda worked. I laid on the bed with him as he threw himself all over the place, ramming his head into mine. It was miserable and I was failing at motherhood, royally. After an hour and a half of everything, we went in his room and I tried to read him a book to maybe try again. He just wanted to play. Fine, as long as he was at least happy! I took his little pillow and blanket, laid on the floor and just watched him to make sure he didn't get into trouble. 45 minutes later of him being cute, happy and acting like nothing was even wrong, I sort of forgave him. Afterall, he was open-kissing me all over my face, coming over to me repeatedly to cuddle for those split second sessions and smiling at me while I could barely move or keep my eyes open. The morning withered away and disappeared into thin air. It was afternoon, my plans to go to Daniella's were clearly not going to happen and he was hungry again. I nursed him, he passed out. He passed out so hard that when I put him in his crib, he didn't even roll over. He started to cry, but I stroked his face until I knew he was asleep. Is it safe to say that I just do not a good sleeper on my hands?? An hour later and eating my way to relaxation in bed, he woke up. It was a repeat of yesterday. He sat up, still clearly tired, crying but very muted and more of a whine, and rocking, sitting up and laying down repeatedly. I brought him right into bed. He was not happy and still clearly needed more sleep. He passed out again and so did I! We didn't wake up until 4p!!!! He slept a total of 3 hours. I don't like that this is the 3rd time in a week that he's taken a short nap on his own and then fallen back asleep with me right after. But today, I desperately needed the nap too! This time, we both woke up sweaty. I was groggy and he woke up smiling. The day was basically over. What were we to do at this point? He hadn't eaten food since 730a and there was no where to go. I gave him lunch, if you can even call it that, and then went onto the deck to brush Charlie and get a change of scenery with fresh air.

I had to be productive and do something! I brought a few toys out, but the deck covered in maple tree flowers was more interesting. Of course he kept touching the one thing he really shouldn't out there and I question if I'm just nit picking. It was the outdoor outlet, but it has a huge plastic box covering on it and that's the part he was touching. It's pretty harmless, but I just feel like he shouldn't. It was so hot and humid out and the deck was covered in a thick coat of pollen and dirt. Graham was letting me do what I needed, so his filthy jeans, socks and hands didn't matter for the time being. He was keeping busy and content! I felt accomplished from my achievement, yet still ambitious for more. I held him and washed the pollen off of the deck and table and watered the pots, then cleaned the steps. G was entertained and very calm in my arms. Then it was Charlie's turn to get hosed off. I put G in his stroller in the driveway and put on quite the show for him. Charlie shook about 100x and G got sprinkled a couple of times from it, though he didn't seem to mind one bit.

He sat so quietly and just watched, waving at me and the great outdoors.  We took a quick walk around the block to get Charlie a little dry. I got everything done and even pruned a few dead branches from the garden. It started to drizzle and get very late, so it was the perfect incentive for me to stop. Poor CB had to stay in the mudroom since I just didn't have the time or hands to dry him off. What was for dinner though?? He loved his grandma's vegetable kugel so he had it again! I wanted to make sure he ate a lot so that he was nice and full for bed. I topped him off with a lot of mango and he surely couldn't have been hungry after that! There was a leftover ounce in the fridge that I wanted to use up, so I put it in a little glass. He made a cute and shocked face when he got the first taste, pleasantly surprised that it wasn't water! DM and I both tried, but he kept leaning forward to drink so it just kept spilling and I ended up dumping it. One week I'm stressing to get every last drop and the next I'm saying whatever and spilling it out! DM took him up for a much needed splash in the tub. He is so much better and giving G baths than I am! He was getting ready for bed while I straightened up his room. We traded and DM changed his sheets while I nursed him and read "goodnight moon." I didn't waste much time since it was well after 7p and I knew it'd take him a while to fall asleep. It still took him about 25 minutes and I had to go in one time, but he slept. I hate to use words that rush time, but I long for the days when he goes to sleep willingly -- if that ever does really happen!!

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